Shattered fragments

I thought that if I ignored it, you would stop.
That you would realize what you were doing to me.
That you would realize you were hurting me.
But you never stopped.

You were the reason I changed.
I changed because I feared you.
I changed for the worse.

Do you look back and regret it?
Do you bite your tongue, biting back an apology?

Sometimes, I see remorse in your eyes when you look at me.
Sometimes, you try to apologize indirectly.
I want you to know that your apologies aren't accepted. And they never will be,

Because you hurt me.
You threw me against the wall and left me crying, begging for help.

It may have seemed like friendly teasing to you, but that's not what it was to me.
You broke me.

And I've picked up all the shattered pieces, but once in a while, I'll drop one and see you.
Taunting, teasing, jeering.

But you know what the worst part is?

You've hurt me. I hate you. But I still get butterflies when you smile at me.
I know that it's fake. But I still feel a stupid flicker of hope.
I'm scared that you'll pick up the pieces that you broke, put them back together, and then break them again.

But I would let you.